I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Dicks are not precious.
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