apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
