I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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