I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
