i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
