are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
