if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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