Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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