What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
