You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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