There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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