I can text with my tongue
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
