i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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