One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
