**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
