Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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