I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
it's like heaven, but drunker
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
