she woke up with a sticky ear
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
