this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
