If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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