Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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