come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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