What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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