i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
