my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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