dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
