Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
