I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We are two peas in an std pod
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
