Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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