my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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