She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
