I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
