dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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