i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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