Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
