Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Randomize