I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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