Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
