I wish I could teleport
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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