He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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