The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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