She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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