I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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