In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
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