That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
