my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
