Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
