Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize