god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
