I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
3 2 1 whiskey
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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