he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
