in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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