if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize