Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
