I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
