No stitches, just platelets and will power
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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