I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She said her name was "party"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
