Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
