I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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