can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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