this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
