On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
