Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
