3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
party gras won. party gras always wins.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
