I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
