She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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